We May Not Need Healing Just Awareness Of Growth

A pile of bricks may look like something that was knocked down, broken, but perhaps it is really something in the process of being completed. Perhaps we can’t heal because we are not broken, just in the process of our own perfection. We are so deeply committed to being broken, to believing that there is something wrong with us because life is not perfect that we miss the fact that everything is part of a process – not yet there is different than being lost.

I am interracial. I learned about the racial separations of people when I watched the movie, “Imitation of Life” This sad movie about a Black maid who has a child by a White man, who worked for a White woman and her daughter. Their lives were doomed because the child who tried to pass for White and was ashamed of her mother and of her own racial identity. After I watched the movie I asked my mother if I was a Negro and she said yes. I asked her if she was a Negro and she said, no. I asked her if my father was a Negro and she said, yes. I told her that I wanted to be White like her. I was devastated. Maybe that was why my mother did not like me. I kept thinking about the pain in the movie. I tried to escape the issue, never using the colors black or white. When I went to the soda shop and asked for a malted I would ask for a blue and blue malted. My mother would whisper to the clerk that I really want a black and white malted so that I would not hear. My world was small, and it was all White except for me. Everyone seemed happy except for me. Maybe there was a connection, there was in the movie.

Interracial sounds like you are part of two races. The true feeling was one of belonging nowhere not a part of either race. I was not Black and I was not White. I was a zebra, an Oreo cookie something that appeared to be feared. I wished that I knew other members of my in-between race. Since I was obviously not White, I tried to be Black; there I met with surprising hostility. I just assumed that Black people would want me. Of course I know now that my personality did not help. It is quite remarkable how we wear our self image on the outside. Thinking that no one knows how much we don’t like ourselves we attempt a mask., a lie, but it doesn’t work.. People end up responding to us in the same way that we respond to ourselves.

I was put into psychotherapy when I was in second grade. The private school I attended told my father that I believed my mother did not love me. He told them that she did not. He told me that it really should not matter. I really tried to get on that page with him but it was a little too much of a reach for a 7 year old. Oh, by this time I had a sister, she was the apple of my mother’s eye. Every day as I drew near to where they were waiting I would feel a black hole building in the pit of my stomach and pulling all of my feelings in. It was this withdrawal that my teachers noticed. I did not have a clue as to who I was, I was so lost and confused about what I was.

Today when people meet me they see someone who has it all together. They see someone who is completely centered. They don’t see the road that brought me here, and neither did I. I did not see that I was not broken, that these were not hazards but learning tools. I was not open to the possibility that there could be good ahead. This was not the end for me it was only the beginning, but I could not see it.

We all start with a different deck of cards, but somehow they are all stacked. I went from therapist to therapist trying to find out what was wrong with me and then fix it. Something had to be wrong with me. Who was I? I was a defective mulatto girl who no one wanted. As time passed, I became very vested in my pain. My ego felt safe in this image. Safe being broken. I was a victim first class. I wore the badge and played the role. I repeated that position in all of my relationships. Years and years of therapy and my situation did not change.

There is an ego death in healing. It requires letting go of an identification that has served well from its inception. This of course is not to say that it was wrong. The fact is that it was the right step for us to be on at the time. And if we have reached an answer it is because of the way that we have taken not in spite of it. Each road that we take is a road that leads us to where we need to go. With so many people seeking to heal, and so many people coming out and speaking about their dysfunctional beginnings and lives, perhaps it is not dysfunctional at all.

If everyone is in some process of healing, perhaps we should realize that it is not healing that we need. In order to build our muscles we exercise, we lift weights, the heavier the weight the stronger our muscles become. This is not just physical. Those things that occurred in our lives that we consider hurtful, those things that we are healing from are merely the weights that in this life we have to lift in order to become stronger, in order to grow in whatever area we have chosen in this life. We are not healing we are growing and it is through the resistance, through the challenges and yes, the pain, that we gain the greatest strength and the greatest power. No one is lost. We do not come here with some sort of map that some of us misplace. We come here with a plan, with a path that is emblazoned in our souls. The markers come along the way from the experiences that we have and the feelings that we experience. We need to let go of our judgment of ourselves and let God lead our way

What impedes us is that our ego, our feeling of security is totally connected with our having been right, even if it hurt. There is the saying, “Better the hell you know than the hell you don’t”, and the truth is that to the ego, the hell you know is better than anything that you don’t know. This block prevents us from being able to receive the guidance that comes from within; we have become so hung up on how we feel now, that we have stopped hearing the wisdom of the Architect of it all. The ego functions in black or white, right or wrong. We need to tell it that it is not an issue of right or wrong it is an issue of right and right, right then and right now. That way was so right that it lead to this way.

Life will no longer give us any form of security if we try to live it based upon the tried and true. Life is being reborn each day and with it so must we. Each day there is a new set of questions that yesterday’s answers do not fit. That does not mean that yesterday’s answers were wrong, they were right yesterday. The problem that we are faced with is not that we did anything wrong, it is that we are constantly trying to make what worked before work now. This is a new age, none of the old rules apply. We must lovingly examine our lives in a beautiful new way. If life were a school, what are the lessons that my life would be meant to teach me? Where can I forgive more, love more, care more, feel more for others? How can I apply the spiritual principals that I am here to learn to the experiences that have brought me here? I can look at my life today and fully understand the necessity of the path that brought me here. And I have faith that I may not understand why the things that happen to me now, painful things, are happening, but when I reach the place that they will lead me, I will know exactly why I was meant to travel that road.

We do not need to question ourselves and find fault with the methods we had for dealing with life; we merely need to be open to new methods appropriate to new lives. It is vital that we now open ourselves to the world as it is, changing and adapting with each day.

There are new situations and each of us can face them and find all that we are seeking simply by recognizing that we live a new “now” in every moment. We can satisfy our hunger by being open to the food that we are given. We need to receive answers without judging ourselves for not having seen them before. We did not see them before because they were not appropriate before. We see what we need to see exactly when we need to see it. We prevent ourselves from growing and living in the present because we are tangled up in the judgment of our lives and our actions in the past rather than understanding the importance to our growth of handling our lives the way that did at the time.

Anything new requires us to change something that we thought, or felt before. That change does not mean that before we were wrong, it just means that before was before. There is no reason to apply what we learn today to what we did yesterday. What we need to do is to apply what we learn today to today. We cannot criticize what we did yesterday based on the new information that we have today.

We can heal by realizing that we do not need to heal, we need to learn, we need to understand, we need to release – which is what forgiveness means, and then move on. Living requires being open and able to receive what is here today. The What is new in no way denies the validity of what was old. What we do can in no way reflects badly on what we did, each thing is appropriate to its time, each action was appropriate under the circumstances within which it occurred.

Our lives, when examined well, show us the perfection of our living. If you are reading this, or anything that you have been directed to, it is because there is something in it that is just perfect for where you are now or soon will be. If the information rings a bell, if it feels right, that is because it is the key to the door that you need to open now. It would have never fit before. Each soul has a journey that is perfect for it, and we each walk it perfectly.

Life has changed. Life is constantly changing. We need to be constantly open to those changes. With each new day, our bodies are changing and growing, evolving. So it is that we need to change and grow spiritually and emotionally as well. This is the process of living. Life is not chaos life is growth. My own beliefs, especially my beliefs about God had changed many times, and sometimes I fought the change, but each time I reached a deeper level of love and a deeper sense of awe in the Source of all things, as God changed for me from an old man in Heaven to the most Divine Guiding Loving by mysterious Presence.

In order to heal ourselves and live in the happiness that we all are seeking we need to accept that we have lived our lives well up to this point. We each have battle scars; they are signs of our having lived passed a course. They are not meant to show us where we have failed but where we have succeeded because we went on.

To heal is to grow, to grow is to move forward and use what we have in each moment. Be open to today’s lesson; be ready for today’s gift. Yesterday is complete and perfect unto itself. There are no changes to be made. The cure for the hunger is to be open today to perhaps a new kind of nourishment. Let yesterday’s food pass through us with each yesterday so that there is room enough for todays. Let us not compare today with yesterday and not compare ourselves today with who we were yesterday. They are different.

There is no point in being here if we cannot be open to what it has to offer. Become born again each day. We are to be born anew with each new sunrise. We should be as children each time that we open our eyes and remember that wonder we once felt. Pain is always a part of the past, because each moment is gone as soon as we notice that it is here. Let go and face this day, as if it were your first. In this way we will find healing, even more than that, we will find joy.

As your soul travels its own journey, it will be wonderful, that does not mean only happy, it means full of wonder. You will be open to hear the messages that come to you from the Universe and the help that you will receive from your guides and the Universe itself.

We Can Choose To Be Happy

n this dream I was shown symbols. They symbolized us. We were letters much like the ones above. The bottom portion was soil, in which seeds were planted, and then above the soil was the harvest of those seeds. In my dream I was told that together we form words and the words that we form create the reality that we live. We could call the words – the collective unconscious that Jung spoke of.

These words formed a reality based upon the belief system of the souls who were incarnated during a period of time. It would be like the foundation or core curricula of the lesson we all came in to learn through. All life forms on earth do not live in the same reality, or belief system. The ant does not live in the reality in respect to the laws of Newtonian physics – they naturally lift many times their body weight on a daily basis. The bumble bee lives in the same reality as the ant because it too lifts itself off of the ground although it is not physically capable of it according to Newtonian physics. But that fits in later. It was not what the core teaching of the dream was about.

Last night, I was watching 60 minutes and Joel Osteen was on. He has a positive message, one that seems too positive for many Christian Evangelists. One such Preacher that was asked to comment on his message said that it was an easy listening kind of Christianity – he asked, “Where’s the suffering for salvation?” Where and why the suffering for salvation was formed the fundamental message of my dream. I never believed in the idea that we had to suffer to be ‘saved’. I did not believe that we had to be ‘saved’, but I did believe that suffering was important for the soul.

There are those, like the Buddhists who do not believe that we have to suffer at all, and, they don’t. You don’t hear stories of long painful bouts with Cancer among Buddhist monks. They seem to know when it is time to die and they do so. Then there are the Taoists whose teaching is not much different than Ecclesiastes, that there is a time for everything and the wise being lives in the flow of that timing, if one does so – there will be no suffering.

Basically, I believed that we had to push through suffering – in other words suffer through suffering, until we were beaten down enough to let go – then we could flow. But, in my view, the journey through the suffering to the freedom from suffering was the difficult journey of the seed to becoming the ripe harvest. The seed, struggles through the dirt, around the stones, until finally it breaks through the ground (internal journey) now it has to make its way at the mercy of the elements (external struggle) to finally become the harvest. “No“, they told me in my dream, “Your suffering is not God’s choice for you.” “No”, they said, “Your suffering does not turn you into anything, it does not transform you from a seed to the harvest, or from the caterpillar to the butterfly”. “You all”, they told me, “who are incarnated over this time of your known history, have chosen to work through a belief that suffering perfects the soul for return to God. But your journey is not to perfect yourselves it is to see yourselves as the perfect image of the God from which you have been created. You have chosen suffering as your means, and so you write a world of separation, hatred, fear, judgment, prejudice, disease, war, lack, and limits – but that is not the path determined by God, it is the path chosen by you.” They showed me, through the symbolism of letters that we are the soil, the seed and the ripe harvest – from the moment that our souls are born. We have chosen suffering as a means of opening our eyes, widening our view of ourselves from only the view of the soil, to growing enough to see ourselves not as the soil, or the seed, or even the harvest, but as all three – as always perfect and complete.

The story of Jesus is the story of a life lived in love, generosity, integrity, compassion, wisdom, humility, and the joy of knowing faith, knowing God, and knowing love. In terms of the number of days in his life, Jesus suffered only a very short time, we have chosen to build our story on those few days of suffering – and to ignore the life lived in compassion, generosity, love and joy. Millions have suffered and died from the moment that we decided the message was in the suffering death rather than the life lived in forgiveness, generosity, compassion and love. They died through the torture of heretics, the crusades, the inquisition and on through the killings still going on today. Why was he crucified? It is easy to say that the Jews did it, but they did not do it, people did it, people who believed in suffering and torture, like the people who went on as Christians to kill those considered heretics, those Christians who believed in worshiping Jesus another way, the Jews and the Muslims who worshiped God their way, and committing genocide against all of those Indians in Latin America who would not be converted. Did he die so that others could suffer the same torturous fate or worse in his name? Or did he live his life teaching that we should all embrace love as a means to seeing our true selves – instead of suffering? When he said that God’s House had many rooms, did they think that it meant it was a Christian Comfort Inn?

1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Before the world was created there was only God. Therefore the world was created out of God. No soul, no creature, created out of God is less than perfect. We do not need to be saved; we do not need to be transformed, purified, or cleansed – we just need to love enough to see that we are all sewn from the same cloth – we are all dyed by the same Dyer. Our souls already are all that they can be.

I know now, that suffering does not cleanse the soul because the soul does not need cleansing. It does not transform the soul because the soul does not need transforming. We are the last of the suffering generations. We are learning, but we need not learn through suffering, it is not a required course – it is an elective that we have all too eagerly embraced.

Let us begin choosing joy by learning the secret of the ant and the bumble bee. They each individually have the strength of a thousand, because they each contain a thousand. What one does, one does for all and so the power of all becomes the power of one. This we cannot see – if we only see the description of the world and not the spirit behind the description. If we all become one, then one can say to the mountain “move” and the mountain will move.

There is a story told in Kabbalah:

With an angel for his guide, the visitor is first ushered through the gates of Hell, which, he is surprised to find, are made of finely wrought gold. The gates, in fact, are incomparably lovely, as is the verdant land­scape that lies beyond them. All this is quite astonish­ing to the visitor, who turns to his angelic guide in disbelief. “It’s all so beautiful,” the man says. “The sight of the meadows and mountains . . . the sounds of the birds singing in the trees … the scent of thousands of flowers. . . .” And then another scent catches his atten­tion: the aroma of food being prepared.

The angel leads the visitor toward an immense ban­quet table laden with every sort of delicacy. However, something is terribly wrong. Hundreds of people are seated around the table, but they all appear to be starv­ing. Their emaciated condition is painful to see in the midst of such bounty, but even worse is the frustration and anger they are obviously experiencing. Each person at the table has a long-handled spoon chained to his wrist. The handles are so long that no one can place food in his mouth. But that does not prevent the con­demned souls from trying. For all eternity, they are struggling to feed themselves a meal that is right before them, but that might as well be a hundred miles away. Taken aback by the tragic spectacle, the visitor is now more than ready to visit Paradise, and the angel immediately complies. At once they pass through an­other set of golden gates, alike in every detail to the gates of hell. In fact, a great deal about the two locales seems to be identical, including the banquet table and the diners chained to their utensils. But the people around this table are well fed and happy, despite the fact that their circumstances are identical to those of the damned. The difference is not in the physical situa­tion, but in how they respond to it. As you might have guessed by now, instead of trying to feed themselves, each of the souls at this table feeds the one across the table.